While everybody is probably throwing the most inspiring [*insert appropriate word here*] all over your social media feed, I wanted to do something a bit different, even though that would still fall under this “2020 Resolutions” category. The thing is, I actually hate New Years Resolutions. I probably hate even more telling you what you should do. However, it does seem like an appropriate time for some advice, whether or not they resonate with you, and whether or not you decide to give them a shot.
When I was younger, I used to act as such a victim thinking the whole world was against me. I guess I still do sometimes, but I also do my fair share of work everyday to better myself up and shut this little bitch up. Even though I think there is always room to become better, perfection isn’t the ultimate goal; progression is what gets me going. Perfection is like the horizon, you always chase it but never get there, it’s all about learning how to enjoy the journey and fall in love with the process.
We all experience this little victim bitch, to a certain extent (don’t try to fool anyone), and what makes the difference between people who are happy/fulfilled and people who complain, is how they’ve managed to grow and developed despite hard situations. Acknowledging our flaws, but refusing to let them define us. When you go through some rough stuff in life, you always have the choice. People hate to hear this – because this is the fucking raw-truth : you always have the choice. Read-This-Again! You will never be able to choose what type of punch will be thrown at you, but the way you react to it is yours. And to that, a lot of people would argue: “But you have no idea what I went through” (Sorry, but I don’t like these people). They are right though, I don’t know what they went through. But I do know this : by saying that, by holding on to their limitations, their life will never change, and they’ll never grow. They will be stuck in a victim behavior forever, because “no one has no idea what they’ve been through”. And that’s just plain sad.
No one has it easy. No one. And guess what : it’s not a competition of “who’s been through the most shit”, because even though we’re all different, and all lived different things, the ones that are actually going through the most scary and horrible things in life, aren’t the ones complaining, scrolling the internet on their bright new iPhone. So if you are reading this, you might still have a lot of things going on in your life (as we all have), but you (we) are among the most fortunate ones.
This brings me to this quote : “If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them”. I heard that in a podcast (Jim Kwik), and that stuck in my head. These few words had the biggest impact on how I think and behave. Here are some stuff we hear all the time :
- “I am tired…”
Then sleep, and stop complaining about it.
- “I have too much on my plate…”
Delegate, prioritize, learn to say no…
- “I am a woman that’s why I didn’t get the job / that’s why I’m paid less / that’s why I people think I’m stupid.”
Maybe it’s just YOU. That has nothing to do with your gender.
- “I’ll get diabetes because everyone in my family has it.”
Do you want to be healthy, or do you want to be right?
And the all time winner :
- “I don’t have time.”
If you don’t have time, that’s because you don’t take the time. 24 hours in a day, we all get the same amount. Time is the only thing no one can cheat.
I am not judging. I used to say most of these things, and still do sometimes (except the woman excuse, I’ve always thought feminism was stupid, but this is another debate). It’s not easy to stop, but be aware that every time you decide to complain about something, you make it your identity. Switch this around, think differently, and start being grateful for what you have, what you are, what you’ve accomplished, grateful for your friends, your family. Whenever you say “I have to” switch it with “I get to”, and see the difference it makes! List all the things in your life you do have that money can’t buy, I bet you’d be surprised! When things happen, they don’t happen TO you, but rather, they happen FOR you. We don’t always see this right away, and most of you might be cursing at me through your screen right now, asking how in hell is it possible to find something positive about losing someone, getting a hard diagnosis, losing a job,… Stop cursing for a second, and open your mind to the possibility that it might make you stronger. It might make you a better person. It might make you take a jump you were afraid to take… The answer is yours to find.
Don’t fight for your limitations, don’t blame others for your failures. Start owning your mistakes, start believing that you can change, stop doing the easy thing or seeking comfort! Seek lessons! Get out of your head that some people are just lucky, because there is no such thing as luck. Luck is an illusion, luck is a lie, a utopia! Luck only comes once you understand that it’s having fucking balls that pays off. Only then will you start to find yourself “lucky”. But this isn’t luck, it’s result. Result of the work you’ve done, and the pieces you put together one after another. Someone once told me “the harder I work, the luckier I get.” Read this as many times as you need.
Cut the bullshit, cut the victim behavior, be real, and start believing in the fact that you get to create your story, no matter how many chapters of your life you’ve already written.
Happy New Year!
The Belgian Palate 